Today I awoke feeling grumpy. It came from the hurt feelings, that happened the day before, and were still resinating in my skin. It was nothing too major....nothing I need to mention here. Just hurt feelings that had lingered, causing me to awake not so bright and not so cheery.

I talked with a friend via email...that helped.

I focused on being a nice mommy....that helped.

I did some blog surfing...that helped too.

Just to get my head clear on the truth of the matter. To walk through my emotions and not be walked over by them.

And then I decided to go see Romy.

I have never met Romy before. We share a mutual friend and it was through that friend I heard about Romy.

Romy is 48 years old, and has a 5 year old daughter. it is just the two of them.

Romy is dying of Cancer.

When my friend had told me about her I was very moved by her story and had asked my friend to ask Romy if I could interview her for my book....that was last Nov. For whatever reason my friend did not ask her until this past week.

This past week Romy entered hospice care...her last stop before heading home.

This weekend my friend told her about me and my book and Romy was gracious enough to agree to see me....here is a piece of today:

9:57am I call Romy. I let her know who I am and ask her if it would be alright if I came to see her. I say to her,

“Would today or tomorrow work better for you?

She says with a little chuckle,

“I may not be here tomorrow... so today is good.”

Yes, that is the truth, plain and simple.

10:15am As I get ready my heart beats hard and fast in my chest. I know I am going to leave with more than I am going in with and I feel excited and nervous, not knowing what to expect.

Romy is 48 and beautiful. This is what I think when I walk into her room. Even under skin and bone she radiates. She is looking for the Lords Prayer in her Bible as I enter the room. The Room is bright and full of peace. I feel Angels, I feel Light and I feel Death...we have met before. In this room Death is not an dark enemy skulking in the corners. In this room Death is a gentle friend waiting patiently for Romy to be ready so Death can take her home.

“Every day brings me closer to God.” She tells me.

Romy has just had another shot of morphine and she slips in and out of “sleep”. I sit with here because it is where I need to be right now; in this reality of the thin veil between life and death.

The room is peaceful and bright, fear does not live here.

Right now Romy sleeps....before she slipped away she tells me of a time she had become angry at her body and at life because of the cancer. She had a hard time with her daughter, this day, and had sent her to the washroom for a time out. She was feeling exhausted and done, and began to start kicking and screaming which turned into crying. Her daughter watched this from the crack opening of the bathroom door. Next thing Romy knew her daughter had come out of the bathroom and was wiping her eyes with kleenex, to dry  Romy’s tears.

-Romy wakes to ask me if I want something to drink. I let her know that I am fine. She slips back into her sleep.

-The thought crosses my mind that she is dying with such grace.

After her daughter wipes Romy’s eyes for the second time, the child goes back into the bathroom for her time out. Romy is moved by her little girls actions and realizes what a special child she is.

Romy tells me it was then she should of given up control of her cancer, but still was not able. the cancer had control of her body and she wanted to control of it. It wasn’t till much later that she fully turned herself, her body, her cancer over to God....

I am sorry, this is all I am going to give you from today as the rest of her story is reserved for the pages of my book. I spent almost 1 1/2 hours with her...it felt like 5 minutes.

She slept alot of the time while I wrote down her words...while she was telling me I could not take my eyes off her, not even to write.

It was an amazing time....a gift.

This is what I see when I step out of the hospice. Beautiful...Hopeful....Life

I drive away feeling very inspired, thankful,changed...my heart is full of LOVE.

I want to share this love, so I phone The Horticulturalist and ask him if  he has time for lunch with his wife....lunch that I am buying....lunch called Sushi....he is so in!!!

There is something about sharing your heart with someone you love while sharing good food.

I was grateful for a husband who worked at home, and had the time for me.

After dropping The Horticulturalist back home I was off to take shoot some photos. And given my morning with Romy I decided to go to a grave yard that I have always wanted to photograph. sorry if that seems a little e morbid....but I find great beauty in old grave yards.

The heaviness form this morning has turned into something else...it is still there but it is different. Shifted somehow. I feel blessed.

The day was so gorgeous I wanted to add a picture of the snow capped mountains in my blog for you today. But the clouds kept getting in the way.....

But as this day and Romy taught me....though sometimes the view is not clear and God seems to not be real...just because you can’t see the Great Sprit, it does not mean It is not there.

Life IS short...

embrace what you have,

go for what you want

and love

love with all your heart

-me